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Two early episodes of Doctor Who, which have been recently found in an old cardboard box, are to be lost again.


The episodes, which last annoyed viewers in the 1960's, are thought to have been recorded by a viewer at time of broadcast, and swiftly put in the attic in an attempt to forget them forever. Many who saw the original shows have long held out hope that the episodes had been wiped.


An archivist at the BBC said: "the film was in a terrible state, with ramshackle special effects, shoddy acting and gaping plot holes. The appearance of trundling Daleks halfway through was particularly nauseating."


"We had a team of experts working on it for several weeks to try to make the footage unwatchable. Removing the film from its cannister was a fraught process in itself, for fear of it failing to combust on exposure to air."


Experts hope that this latest expelling of episodes will spur people on to recall other examples of appalling science fiction, risible sitcoms and amateurish drama they have on tape, which might be ripe for abandonment in attics, storerooms or garden sheds. 




The United States has claimed a large number of byes in the impending World Cup as a result of the President declaring the competition was open months before the official start date.


'We didn't tell the world we were going into Iran and we haven't told the world we're leaving Iran - yet,' he said today.  'So with all the time in the world  on our hands we decided to start the World Cup early.  We've won all the qualifiers by default and are in the final next weekend with Iran - if they bother to turn up.  If they don't then it will save ICE arresting them and declaring the US as the 2026 World Cup winners.  FIFA will present the World Cup to me personally and it will go into my Presidential Library along with all the Olympic medals we will win next month when the Olympics will start and finish two years early. 





Netflix has confirmed that it won't pay for any more embarrassingly bad content from Meghan. This includes canning advertorials for American Riviera Orchard, or As Ever. As if?


The new deal will allow Meghan to access all of Netflix's content, ad free, on a special new 'Royal Plan', for only $18 a month. The package comes with a special, once-in-a-lifetime, restraining order.


Under the deal, Meghan will continue to pitch ideas for new embarrassingly bad content and Netflix has promised that they will at least open the envelopes. No further meetings or phone calls are expected and Netflix has said that it will be changing all of its email addresses.


Meghan is reported to have said that the new deal confirms her status, her star power, and business acumen. Harry is reported to have been told to shut the F up.




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