Mr Benn and gone

With the recent and sad passing of Mr Benn, of Festive Avenue, London, funeral arrangements have needed to be made.

Mr William Benn leaves his dog, Eddie and gorilla, Gus behind.

Mr Benn's closest and dearest friend 'the Shopkeeper' has kindly agreed to provide a suitable outfit for his best, and possibly only customer.

The deceased's usual outfit of suit and bowler hat whilst suitable for the occasion belies his memory. Clown, Wizard, spaceman, zookeeper, cowboy, knight and balloonist were all tried but eventually the shopkeeper decided to dress him like Fred from the home pride adverts.

In his final outfit he leaves us through a magic door at the back of the world for his final adventure.

Action Man to become a proscribed organisation

A spokesman for Hasbro has confirmed the UK government has proscribed Action Man.  'Apparently they are proscribing anything with Action in the title.  Also because we did release a figure with a tea towel for a head covering recently,' he said.  'Probably a coincidence.'

A government spokesman said, 'We are engaging in each and any way to protest using the word Action.  Don't even try writing "Action. Man" either, we're well wise to that.  We have acted quickly to ensure any threat from Action Man is neutered.

A spokeswoman for Barbie commented, 'Neutered  Have you ever looked under his shorts?'

Photo by Thuận Minh on Unsplash

Trump to invade Norway to get Peace Prize

With the talks between Putin and Trump in Alaska to shaft Ukraine looking unlikely President Trump has lamented the lost opportunity for him to win the Nobel Peace Prize, an award he believes should be his.  Consequently he has tasked Pete Hegseth to draw up plans to invade Norway to extract the Peace Prize for him, by force.

The Norwegian Nobel Committee has convened and is proposing a sixth Nobel prize to the existing five - Peace, Physics, Chemistry, Medicine and Literature - the Nobel Irony Prize.  'We could have awarded the literature prize for the Art of the Deal,' suggested a Nobel Committee spokesman, 'but given the way he is wrecking the US economy that would also translate into irony as well.'