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News of the possible abode emerged earlier in the week when a visitor reported walking the entirety of a Luton street without feeling under threat. He then posted details of the locale onto the SafefromthemUK.com website, which alerts Britons to places they needn’t cower in, and, in an emotional TikTok, wept about how he finally felt ‘part of the community of Britons again.’


But that wasn’t the end of the story. An eagle eyed Lutonite who fled the town decades ago confirmed that the supposed street the man was claiming to be part of Luton was in fact a model railway siding got up to resemble Browforth Street, L3. ‘The real Browforth street,’ the man confirmed, ‘is caked in dog shit. This place was far too pristine to ever be in Luton.’


When contacted about his emotional and geographical dishonesty, the TikToker would only say, ‘I won’t say whether the Luton street was real sized or miniature, but I will say that what I posted REFLECTS MY LIVED EXPERIENCED.’ He specifically asked for the last four words of that sentence to be quoted in caps. When the man talked about ‘his real lived experience’ your reporter recoiled and withdrew from confronting him further.


Luton has been in the reporting doldrums recently following decades of it being touted as the single most desirable place to reside in Europe. A succession of scandals involving resident despair and chronic architectural ugliness have left its once proud homeowners considering all measures, including moving to Slough. Once again, a succession of scandals involving resident despair and chronic architectural ugliness have left its once proud homeowners considering all measures, including moving to Slough.




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Annie, a 68 year old single lady from Huddersfield has just had her twelfth rejection letter from Buckingham Palace after applying for the role of lady of the Bedchamber, 10 times under Queen Elizabeth and twice under Queen Camilla. Annie’s last two applications were requesting a position as one of the Queens Companies, a change Camilla recently made to the job.


According to Annie, although the name has been changed, she believes the duties probably remain unchanged since the 1700’s and she has been practicing carrying full and empty Piss Pots up and down the stairs of her two bedroom terrace house for the last 20 years. Recently she had a fall whilst carry the Pot when it was full to the brim, but luckily it was only carrying Orange squash which she uses for authenticity.


A lifelong Royalist, Annie previously worked as a Lolly pop lady for 30 years and had once had high hopes of one day featuring in the Honours list, an MBE or an OBE based on her year’s service and having twice saved the lives of children on her zebra crossing.


According to reports, with no regard for her own safety, Annie literally pulled the children out of the way of speeding Lorries but as Huddersfield is around 200 miles from London and Annie doesn’t write for the Daily mail, her heroism was ignored.


Recently , it was explained to her by her local MP, the powers that be have deemed it inappropriate to have Northerners at the award ceremonies, speaking funny and shoving chip butties in their gobs and generally being loud. A spokesman pointed out that the north was well represented by Prince Andrew adding, 'and look how that worked out!'






Undeterred Annie is thinking of applying for a role as Pen carrier to King Charles or Tin Opener to Wills and Kate.


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For the tenth year running, the Lingerie Models' Outreach Club will be bringing Valentine's Day thrills to men in old folks' homes the length and breadth of Britain.


"I'm looking forward to doing the catwalk parade in my lacy undies for these lovely old boys," giggled 20-year-old Tina, 42-24-36.


"They've done so much for our country. They fought in the war.


"They didn't? But they voted for Brexit, didn't they?"


One person determined to stay in his room all day to miss the spectacle is 82-year-old Hywel Probyn of the Pearly Gates home in Porthmadog, who described last year's event as "four hours of hellish, excruciating sexual frustration".



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