top of page
Search

Prince Andrew Way renamed Barely Legal Cul-de-sac

ree

Residents have demanded the Andrew formerly known as Prince, remove his non-sweaty paws from their street name. They would rather be called Snatch Alley or Grabwell Road, than associate with Handsy Andy.


Duke of York pubs plan to rebrand, after the rumour of ten thousand men being assaulted by Andrew. Even Andrew Tate is changing his first name, so not to be mistaken for a different sex pest.


No roads will be linked to the ex-Prince, but a few buildings will keep their ties - Cheltenham Ladies' College, Woking Pizza Hut and New Scotland Yard.




Marbles handed in to White House lost property

A set of marbles, apparently found next to a few playing cards, is amongst the items in the White House lost property office. Staff are hoping to trace the owner who is thought to be a child, possibly a toddler.


White House spokespindoctor Karoline Leavitt suggested that they were left behind by the previous administration and probably belonged to former President Joe Biden. However, it has been confirmed that Mr Biden still has all his marbles and continues to play with a full deck of cards.


Other items handed in recently include a sandwich, which may have been part of someone’s picnic, and the storyline of a play, which indicates someone has lost the plot.


When someone from the lost property department went to ask the President about the items, he wasn’t in his usual rocking chair in the Oval Office. It would appear that Trump has gone off his rocker.




Concerns for passengers as operators announce trains will be freezing next year


ree

Operating companies have announced that next year trains will be freezing. As an industry expert former Tory government minister for transport, Chris Grayling, was asked what he thought of the news as he left the House of Lords.


'Well, I'm not surprised. It's often suggested operators' carriages are cold and draughty at the best of times, but believe me we've not seen anything yet. Because as the government has decided the industry can't increase fares in 2026, then clearly the public must accept cuts need to be made. And one these, I understand, will be to reduce heating onboard services to help fuel efficiency in running the rolling stock.


'And in the event the UK gets the wrong kind of snow in the winter months leading to trains becoming stranded, travellers certainly can't expect operators to pay compensation to anyone who perishes from hypothermia. It will be this incompetent government's fault.


'Now if you'll excuse me I must be off to Paddington to catch the 5.30 ferry to Birmingham.'




bottom of page