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Enterprising homeopath, Ron Jenkins of Clacton has announced an audacious plan to bring a whole drop of oil through the Strait of Hormuz.

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'People are slating the president for making himself out to be Jesus in a picture,' said a spokes-priestess for the White House. 'But Jesus is the fraud and Donald Trump's the real deal.

Stupid people should drive on stupid motorways. That's the view of Rishi Sunak who adds motorways to the list of things he prefers stupid, like the electorate. Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst elaborated, 'We believe the UK population is fundamentally stupid. They ought to be - we've been slashing education funding for long enough. Anyway, those mindless drones, those worthless maggots, or as we used to call them, people, deserve dumb roads and moronic railways and boy oh b

I guess we've all had days when we've been trying to get some ships out through a tight exit but found it clogged up with Iranian mines and sea drones. That's where new Trump Block-Aid could come in handy.

'I don't blame my minions for failing to reach a deal in Islama-ma-ma-bad,' slurred President Trump from the centre of a psychotic crowd at a UFC cage fighting arena in Dimwit, Kentucky.

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The Guardian revealed that a regular column in the newspaper, has been written by the Large Language Model and has been published under the codename of 'Adrian Chiles'.

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Billionaire Elon Musk has offered $43bn to personally acquire Twitter. More controversially, he has offered $86bn to buy two Twitters. "It's good to have a spare", explained Mr Musk, "I kept my old phone when I upgraded recently, just in case something happens. If I accidentally dropped Twitter or, more likely, accidentally got involved in a ruinous libel suit, then I'd like to have another one I could pull out of the drawer." www.newsbiscuit.com First published 16 April 2022

WESTMINSTER — Britain's political class has descended into a full-blown 'orientation emergency' with a story instantly dubbed 'clickbait crack cocaine'