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Starmer close to completing Covid loyalty card
One man passion vacuum Keir Starmer has caught Covid for a second time. His 4 additional spells of enforced self-isolation had already made him the unluckiest Labour leader since Gordon Brown called a bigoted woman 'a bigoted woman' but got caught. Starmer - the only person ever to be Tracked and Traced - is close to getting the coveted final stamp on his Covid loyalty card and ascending to platinum membership. Labour activist Bob Bridlington denied that Angela Rayner was see

stewartbarclay
Jan 6


Convincing fraudster poses as Prime Minister
A notorious fraudster has posed as the Prime Minister, Keir Starmer, on more than twenty occasions, without being detected.

deskpilot
Jan 6


Trump attacked Venezuela to win cereal packet competition, reveals White House
'It said that the first autocrat to invade the whole set of South America countries could claim the grand prize: a day-glow orange garden parasol.'

Jeremynh
Jan 6


Sam Allardyce to Run Venezuela
In an unexpected move, following the arrest and extradition of Nicolás Maduro, Donald Trump has announced that interim control of Venezuela will be taken by perennial stopgap Sam Allardyce.

James_doc
Jan 5


Woman Coughs Up Entire Dog.
Winner: MrQ Runners-Up: "Reform launch their youth wing." (AdrianBamforth) "I'm going to own up. You didn't sleep a wink because I put a pea under your mattress. On the plus side, you are a real princess." (Deskpilot).

Kit Caboodle
Jan 5


Driving laws that remain unchanged for 2022
January 1st 2022 saw a slew of new driving laws come into place, including making it illegal to use your mobile phone whilst at the...

ChrisF
Jan 5


Mutiny over the Bounties - Man 'bewildered' by absence of treats
A Warrington man has described his sense of bafflement on discovering a complete dearth of chocolate oranges, mince pies, alcoholic drinks and confectionery.

Sully
Jan 5


US General admonished for not returning with 'whole of Venezuela'
American President and unhinged Kmart trolley Donald Trump threw a wobbly when US military forces returned from a mission without the entirety of Venezuela.

Steveb
Jan 5


The Vegetarian Police vow to ‘get serious’ in January
January, the month of misery, when gyms sell 99.95%* of their subscriptions and otherwise literate people pronounce ‘January’ as ‘Veganuary’. Like that’s a word. The Vegetarian Police have announced a crackdown on ‘backsliding’. ‘Several offences were reported to our Hotline over the festive season’, a spokesveggie told us. ‘Some minor infractions – not checking which fat the chips were cooked in – some pretty serious stuff – claiming fish ‘don’t count’ – and a number of crit


Winston Churchill to go on tour to give Britain 'our best booster yet' says Johnson
It has been announced that by using the same hologram technology, where Elvis was able to appear ‘live’ on stage despite him being dead...

Chipchase
Jan 4
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