The White House's box office was deluged by absolutely no one as tickets went on sale for the Trump Yuletide Rant-omime. "It stars the president acting as himself, speaking incessantly out of the back end of a pantomime horse," explained White House ugly sister Karoline Leavitt. "The play opens with the humble heroine reading one of his Truth Social rants: 'Too bad failing Cinderella can't come to the White House Ballroom. Dresses in rags. No class. Complete loser.' "But as p

Residents have demanded the Andrew formerly known as Prince, remove his non-sweaty paws from their street name. They would rather be called Snatch Alley or Grabwell Road, than associate with Handsy Andy. Duke of York pubs plan to rebrand, after the rumour of ten thousand men being assaulted by Andrew. Even Andrew Tate is changing his first name, so not to be mistaken for a different sex pest. No roads will be linked to the ex-Prince, but a few buildings will keep their ties -

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Despite a window sticker declaring otherwise, a driver’s lovely steak and ale pie was left in his vehicle overnight and has now been...

'The improvement is miraculous,' said a handsome doctor in a suspiciously clean white coat. 'The patient has a rare condition that causes indecision, mendacity, randiness, a god complex, and uncontrollable hair. 'After receiving our expert and expensive therapies, he can now construct an apology and appear to mean it. He can manifest fairly normal hair, and he's stopped trying to shag anything in a skirt. But he still lapses into cod Latin when he's under stress, and he still

A set of marbles, apparently found next to a few playing cards, is amongst the items in the White House lost property office. Staff are hoping to trace the owner who is thought to be a child, possibly a toddler. White House spokespindoctor Karoline Leavitt suggested that they were left behind by the previous administration and probably belonged to former President Joe Biden. However, it has been confirmed that Mr Biden still has all his marbles and continues to play with a fu

Operating companies have announced that next year trains will be freezing. As an industry expert former Tory government minister for transport, Chris Grayling, was asked what he thought of the news as he left the House of Lords. 'Well, I'm not surprised. It's often suggested operators' carriages are cold and draughty at the best of times, but believe me we've not seen anything yet. Because as the government has decided the industry can't increase fares in 2026, then clearly t

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Winner: Lockjaw Runners-Up: “Anyway, I can't stand around chatting all day.” (JeremyNH); “It was going to take more than a carrot and some lumps of coal to make that look like a snowman.” (Midfield Diamond)

On Friday, the star told their 12 million followers: 'That's it, I'm off, I can't stand what Twitter has become.' At 2pm, the same day,...

The cross-party House of Commons Monopoly Club, notorious for its disruptive behaviour, is in trouble with the House Authorities. After a series of raucous disputes, violent incidents and conduct unbecoming, the Club has been banned from meeting in the House. An insider told us that Monopoly Club members were always arguing about the rules, often dividing along party lines. Tory players were strongly in favour of other players going directly to jail, but felt that they should