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    • NewsBiscuit
      • Dec 17, 2021
      • 1 min read

    West London Brexiter shoots wife following bent banana confusion


    A 57-year-old man from Kentish Town in West London was being held in police custody last night after blasting his wife in the chest with a shotgun in a fit of rage due to frustration that post-Brexit bananas were still curved and not straight as he mistakenly believed had been promised in pro-Brexit newspapers like The Daily Mail and The Telegraph prior to the 2016 referendum.


    Michael Steeden, a boating lake attendant, was held by police at his home in Chalk Farm Avenue after neighbours reported two loud gunshots.


    Officers broke into the property and found Steeden sitting on the stairs with the shotgun across his knees and a banana in his hands which he appeared to be trying to straighten with a copper and hide mallet, according to an eyewitness.


    His wife of twenty-two years, Shirley, was found in the kitchen clinging to the sink with gunshot wounds to the chest.


    The injured woman was rushed to the Kensington and Chelsea hospital where she was last night described as 'comfortable but extremely shaken'


    A police spokesman told newsmen: 'Mr Steeden has been charged with attempted murder contrary to common law.


    'He has admitted the offence, blaming frustration that post-Brexit bananas had still not yet been straightened, as he mistakenly believed would be the case following the Brexit referendum'


    image from pixabay


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    • Al OPecia
      • Oct 15, 2021
      • 1 min read

    Rare unsigned copy of draft Brexit Deal to be auctioned off

    Updated: Nov 21, 2021



    The Trade Agreement Collector's world is reeling from the news that a rare copy of a draft of a Brexit deal which hadn't been signed by Boris Johnson as been found down the back of a sofa in the Reception area of a Specsavers, believed to be in Barnard Castle.


    "These types of document come to light very infrequently, as they are usually shredded, but in this instance this slim volume appears to have found it's way out of Whitehall" said Chief Auctioneer, Willoughby Land. "It is also interesting in that many of the headings were prototypes of what were in the final documents - such as "Yeah, yeah we'll do that", "Sod the Fishermen", "Who needs Lorry Drivers anyway, they're all filthy oiks", and "TAX Havens", with most followed by a simple bullet point "whatever".


    Asked if the sale has garnered much interest Mr Land replied "Yes, of course, it'll go for a fortune, as it turns out that the signed copies are worthless".


    image pixabay/succo



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