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January 2025


Yes, that’s right. It was only a year ago that Donald Trump was indicted as US President. Sorry, inducted. I’m getting ahead of myself. One of the new president’s first acts was to rename the Gulf of Mexico. It’s good to be clear about your priorities. And he blamed LA for setting itself on fire. And he was already trying to grab Greenland. Back then, Donald was still friends with billionaire donor Elon Musk. How times have changed. Elon had money to burn, and proved it by blowing up another of his rockets. Is it SpaceX or Ex-Space?


In UK politics, Keir tells Elon Musk that he’s ‘crossed a line’ by spreading lies and misinformation about grooming gangs on X. One year later, and we’re still waiting for Keir to do something about Elon and X. In Scotland, Nicola Sturgeon announced the end of her marriage to police favourite, Peter Murrell.


The state of the economy continued to be an issue in the UK. The PM’s solution was to big up the opportunities presented by AI, which we now know are mainly about making nude pictures of people. In the courts, a woman successfully contested fines of £2,000 for five minutes parking. She had been unable to pay because there was no mobile phone signal. In 2026, you have to pay that sort of money to drop someone off at the airport, and that’s apparently still legal.


In sport, Luke Littler was tilting for his first major title. Too many beers?


Here is a selection of the top NewsBiscuit stories from January 2025. Click through to read the stories and see the author credits. Scroll down to see some of the month’s best headlines.


USA News


UK news


Social issues


Other news



Headlines


US news

Trump and Musk prove two wrong 'uns do make an extreme right

JFK Assassination files recovered from Trump’s bathroom

Space between Trump’s ears renamed Gulf of America

LA residents regret using Tinder


The world of work

Australian tailor is making great strides

Bogus chiropractor was just pulling my leg

Criminal who represented himself doesn't do himself justice

Gardener put on gardening leave feels a bit hard done by


UK politics

Labour hope Artificial Intelligence can replace Actual Incompetence

Liz Truss adamant that the economy crashed into her

Nicola Sturgeon finally achieves independence


And finally...

Luke Littler - If I win, I’ll stop cutting my own hair

Supermodels call for third runway at London Fashion Week

Greenland offers to sell Denmark

Inventor of ultra-velcro said it was "hard to pull off"

Custard pies - do they strike you as funny?




Image credit: deep dream generator


Hollywood producers are waiting for enough time to elapse to greenlight some future Oscar bait about American troops who get PTSD - that PTSD coming courtesy of the upcoming omnishambles in Venezuela and/or Greenland. 


Working titles so far include 'The Venezuelan Candidate', 'Orinoc-oh-no!' and 'Nuuk whose talking' and the racier 'Is that a Nobel Peace Prize in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me'. Others in development are 'Crackers in Caracas' and its Cuban focused sequel 'Crackers in Caracas 2: Are you Havana laugh?' plus an unexpectedly gritty franchise reboot with 'Grease 3: Greased up by the stolen oil of Venezuela'.


Elon Musk's AI fan bot Grok has already declared these Donald Trump worship pieces as a 'Triumph of the Will'

Trump's own IMDB page already includes The Apprentice, Home Alone 2 and a life long performance art piece entitled 'Entitled', where he plays the role of a fascist paedophile, who faces no consequences for his actions.


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