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Kia urged to recall over invisibility cloak

Writer: Throngsman
Throngsman
Sep 1

Kia drivers have called on the Korean manufacturer to recall all of its models.


'The Cloak of Invisibility kicks in at the most inconvenient times,' said one Kia driver, identifying turning at junctions, driving on straight roads or just being parked by the shops as typical cloaking errors.


'It's as if other road users can't see me,' said another, admitting that would be the point of the cloak.


A Kia spokesman stated there was no need for a recall, mainly because a cloak of invisibility isn't fitted to any current models.


'It's not a Kia problem,' he said, 'it's primarily a BMW problem, in the steering wheel to seat interface.'


Image: DomPixabay



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Prince George disappointed not to be in Gryffindor

Writer: deskpilot
deskpilot
Jun 18

Prince George is excited to be going to school at Eton, because his nanny has read all the books to him. He is particularly looking forward to travelling there by steam train from a secret royal platform at Waterloo. And he hopes to study Defence Against The Dark Arts, otherwise known as Media Studies.



But he is disappointed that the sorting hat has not put him in Gryffindor House. He is puzzled to have been put in Boris House, which seems to be a watered down version of Slytherin. Its members are notorious for having no magical skills at all, and are mainly known for partying and sleeping around. George feels he's covered all of that with Uncle Andrew.




Eton to offer ‘Muggle Studies’ courses

Writer: Sully
Sully
Dec 28, 2025



Following an inspection by the Ministry of Magic, Eton College is to offer intensive training in Muggle Studies to prepare the next generation of Prime Ministers.


'Leadership in the twenty first century requires a degree of empathy with ordinary people' a spokesman told us. 'Who knew? It came as a massive surprise. We’ve been following the eighteenth century syllabus, which possibly explains why we keep sending gunboats to "deal with" refugees.'


'Pupils will learn about something called a "gas bill" and an "overdraft".'


'Oh, that one has caused some scratching of heads,' chuckled the spokesman. 'It’s a pretty advanced mathematical concept when you drill into it. You spend money you don’t have, but then instead of just getting more to plug the gap you increase the amount which you don’t have, until you reach a theoretical point where strangers are allowed to walk in and steal your possessions. Fascinating stuff.'


Rupert Fortescue-Smythe is prepping for his Grade 3 Northerner exam. 'I’m ok with the set texts and the technical studies – I can swear, walk like a Mancunian and quote passages from The Royle Family – but it’s the sight-reading I struggle with. Phrases like "eckerslike" or "youvegorrabekiddin" just don’t trip off the tongue. I’ve been practising with the staff. I really want to excel in this, so I can buy my own Northern town one day and really blend in.'


Wealthy families have been buying up chalets (terraced houses) in Liverpool so their offspring can cram for their Grade exams. They’re cheaper than a decent cello, though they don’t hold their value as well.


'I had to get on a bus yesterday,' said Fortescue-Smythe. 'It’s a magical conveyance. Buses can only go on their approved routes – you can’t just tell the driver to nip to Fortnum’s or whatever – and they smell funny because they have old people in them. A total stranger called me "love", it was amazing.'


The first empathic Prime Ministers will roll off the production line in 2024, just in time for the General Election.



First published 28 Dec 2022


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