The current President has confirmed he will be seeking a second term from the after-life. Aged 137, Mr. Biden is the oldest incumbent of The White House, except for a pair of stockings left by Dolley Madison. The chances of him being alive next election are slim to none, so Joe has agreed to become one of the undead – a role traditionally left to the Vice President.
Usually, only live Presidents are permitted to run, but a special dispensation has been made for Joe, given he was half dead already. His campaign manager and personal Necromancer explained: ‘He’ll be embalmed and buried beneath The White House lawn. At a certain point when the moon is full and he has enough electoral votes, he will rise again – just like the debt ceiling.’
One voter was philosophical about supporting a zombie-in-chief: ‘Democracy is dead, so I guess the President should be as well.’
Following a successful 6 year spell as Prime Minister of New Zealand, Jacinda Ardern will shortly be a free agent and a bidding war between some of the world’s biggest countries looks certain to follow.
Earlier in her career, Ardern had spells in the US and UK. However a big move to Washington now looks less likely, as Joe Biden has forgotten where he’d left the paperwork that would have parachuted Ardern into the Oval Office.
King Charles (aka Chuck 3) is rumoured to be a big fan, and with the current state of the UK, Ardern’s installation would be a popular formality - plus she can reach higher shelves. The only question mark is why she would risk her reputation with such a basket case of a country.
A statement from the office of Boris Johnson that no-one had asked for said ‘PMILF’.