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  • Writer's pictureSully

Biden to use Time Dilation effect to slow down ageing process

Joe Biden has announced that he will conduct his second term as President in a spaceship travelling at the speed of light.

'President Biden will effectively not age', a spokesman said. 'So all those Republicans saying he would be 86 at the end of his Presidential term are spreading fake news'.

The next US Presidential election is a contest to choose the best American out of a population of just 330 million. Some observers have expressed mild surprise that the two best Americans in 2024 are likely to be the same ones who competed in 2020 - Joe Biden and Donald Trump. There are also plans to send Donald Trump into space but that’s just to save on prison bills.

Physicists have pointed out that if President Biden can be accelerated to the speed of light none of his messages will return to Earth, which would be a shame. On the plus side, after four years of travel at light speed President Biden could visit Alpha Centauri.

Genealogists are working on his family tree to see if they can dig up any Alpha Centaurians he could claim as ancestors. It won’t matter much to Biden – he never really knows where he is anyway.


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