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Keir Starmer, the invisible leader

A new study by the Institute for Political Awareness reveals that most UK citizens don’t know who the Prime Minister is. When asked directly, 87% of respondents either shrugged, Googled it, or named someone from Strictly Come Dancing.


Since winning the 2024 general election, Starmer has largely governed in peace — mostly because the public isn’t watching – but also because he has mastered the skill of invisible leadership. 


We showed a photo of Starmer to some people in the street, to see what reaction we got.


‘He’s sort of… President of the UK,’ said 23-year-old Aaliyah, ‘but I haven’t heard him do anything lately. Has he been cancelled?’


Other respondents asked if Rishi Sunak was still PM, and if Boris Johnson was coming back.


And someone insisted ‘that lettuce’ was still in charge.



Story credit: wurstcasenews

Picture credit: perchance AI


U Turns are the new straight lines

The government has consulted geometric mathematicians to conclude that the economy isn't Euclidian but is hyperbolic, like the universe is (probably). In a hyperbolic universe a straight line is curved and parallel lines intersect, so mirroring fiscal policy on a geometry that makes little or no sense to anyone observing what we think of as real life makes an enormous amount of sense to everyone in the Chancellor's team.


'A U turn in policy isn't the negative the opposition like to say it is, it's simply an alternative application of what we said the policy would be, just in the opposite direction,' said a spokesperson. 'If it's good enough for the universe, it's good enough for us,' he added. 'When I say us, I mean Rachel. I don't understand any of this,' he admitted, off the record. Which in a hyperbolic universe is almost certainly on the record. His name, off the record, is Keir, but don't repeat that.



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