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Mid-term madness?

Writer: deskpilot
deskpilot
Oct 8

There are less than thirty days to the US mid-term elections. The polls look very bad for Donald Trump, so he’ll need to put in an unbelievable performance to turn things around.


Here are our best predictions of what you can expect...


Trump tries to shout down the price of oil, again


Trump offers to arm Argentina so that they can take back Las Malvinas on condition that they are renamed The American Islands and that the US gets all the oil


Millions of dollars are spent on social media disinformation and lies


Trump demolishes the White House west-wing to build a new casino


Trump declares victory over Iran because Iran hasn't gained a single inch of territory


The Board of Peace takes over FIFA. FIFA announces that 2028 World Cup will be held in Gaza in 2028, just before the US presidential elections


ICE officers are filmed eating immigrants' pets


Trump tries to shout down interest rates, again


Iran steals the Epstein files in full and publishes them. Trump says it's all fake news.


In a bizarre tribute to Douglas Adams, Donald Trump decides to insult all world leaders in alphabetical order


Trump confirms his third and fourth terms


Trump suspends the US Constitution due to a National Emergency that he will explain ‘shortly’


Trump's mates buy all US media outlets. All media outlets predict a massive ground-breaking, world-beating, lip-smacking, thirst-quenching, mid-term election win for Trump.



Image credit: NewsBiscuit archive



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What do you mean, you’ve had enough of the horrendous, sickening news?

Writer: Jeremynh
Jeremynh
Oct 30, 2025




'And as the conflict in Israel and Gaza enters its fourth week, we now bring you pictures of the carnage caused by an Israeli airstrike. And we can tell you that they're even more distressing than anything we’ve shown you before...


'Why are you turning off your television?


'Good, we’ve got you on the radio. These are the sounds from inside a hospital in Gaza City of grief-stricken mothers and fathers, wailing pitifully…


'Why are you hitting your radio with an axe? That’s not going to stop the war, is it?


'I see you’ve locked yourselves in the bathroom and are watching a video of an adorable puppy chasing its tail. We’re going to interrupt that to play you interviews with a Hamas leader and an Israeli politician, in which both try to justify slaughtering thousands of innocent civilians…


'No, don’t throw your device down the toilet. We forbid you to do that!


'And don’t light a bonfire with those newspapers before you've read them. Don’t you know how much trouble we take to bring all the horrifying details of this war right to your doorstep?


'We’ll stop at nothing, you know. We’ll hire town criers to shout this stuff at you in the streets.


'That's because reporting this atrocious conflict has made us all clinically depressed, so we’re damned well going to make sure that all of you are clinically depressed, as well.'




First published 30 Oct 2023


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