Any of the last five polished Prime Minister turds could have said these words, so it doesn't matter which f*cking one. All demonstrated A-stars in cowardice, earned a First in tragic incompetence, graduated with full honours in piss poor decision making, and were top of their classes in disguising basic knowledge acquisition.
Random chimps with no formal education at all would have done better.
Unhelpfully, there isn't a random chimp party you can vote for, so we're all still stuck with this procession of brain ache.
Lawyers representing a constipated Howler monkey have accused Ed Sheeran of ‘sampling’ some of his greatest works. Mr Sheeran’s lawyers insist screeching and yelping are the hallmark of most popular music. They also point out that the lyric ‘Ooh girl, we had a love so strong’ appears in 97% of all songs ever written.
Speaking to reporters Mr Sheeran said: ‘It was just an innocent mash-up. I need no sympathy. I’m easy come, easy go. Little high, little low. Will they let me go?’
In opening remarks, Mr Sheeran’s lawyer said ‘He’s just a man whose intentions are good. M’lord, please don’t let him be misunderstood.’
The Howler monkey is in talks to host GB News.