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As a General Election nears, huge political news reaches us that former Prime Minister Boris Johnson and ex-UKIP leader Nigel Farage are to merge. Whilst no further details have been put forward by either camp, it is clear that this is potentially huge news for the inexplicably popular duo. We asked political commentator and respect theorist Sir Peter Catterick-Brace what this could mean for Britain's political landscape.
'Well, I think this is huge news! The potential ramifications for the traditional parties could be very significant if they manage to arouse their base voters.' He went on, 'I mean, all those quite extreme right wing, immigrant and Euro hating middle aged white voters could come out in droves for this monstrous entity. I expect the first thing it would want to do is undo Brexit and then re-do it. Straight away. A sort of 'Let's get Brexit done again'. Socially this beast would mean a great deal to publicans and tobacconists as well as it being an almost endless supply of extremely fertile semen and occasionally eloquent waffle. Nadine Dorries will pass out when she hears the news.'
As we await further news, we speculate that the 'thing' will be called 'Borjel Johnrage', be approximately six feet nine and during the initial process very, very dangerous to anyone coming without twenty feet of it with anything less than questionable views on race, British culture and colonialism.
Image: https://stablediffusionweb.com/ and your nightmares
Boris Johnson has lurched into sight again by announcing he will be joining the GB News lineup. What is more interesting is the show he will be fronting: The Brexit Lullaby Hour.
The show has been described as “A warm bath of reassurance and mutual Brexit appreciation”. Shouting the show, Mr Johnson will go through the “many” Brexit advantages we have gained since leaving the European Union. He will also have an ASMR section where he will whisper, in his unique pound shop Churchill tones, various platitudes such as “soon we will be at the sunlit uplands”, “blue passports” and “up yours Delors”.
Guests will include Nigel Farage, where it is rumoured he will duet with the song “islands in the stream” Richard Tice for a wrestling match and Nadine Dorries for a weekly fantasy book club feature.
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