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Channel 4 News operating under the delusion that the Tory leadership car crash is still newsworthy




Provider of information to woke snowflakes, Channel 4 News, still thinks what unfunny clowns do and say in their bids to become Britain's Silliest Prime Minister is actually news. No self-respecting fully paid up Conservative member even acknowledges the existence of Channel 4, never mind watch its news output.


The only known incident where it happened was in 2019 when Gerry SaintJohn-Smythe from Bournemouth accidentally pressed the wrong button on his remote control, later confirming his embarrassing error. He quickly rectified the situation and proceeded to the Boys Giving Blowjobs to Donkeys With Massive Cocks pay per view porn channel (444) he was intending to watch.


C4 News viewer Janine Dale from Tetteridge confirmed, 'No legitimate Channel 4 News viewer can do anything about who becomes leader of the Conservative party and therefore Prime Minister, so every ridiculous thing spouted by the candidates for the purpose of getting on the news has no newsworthy value. The programme is in serious danger of straying into the territory of Tory leadership news fatigue. Just tell us who won when the votes have been counted, and that'll do. We don't need all this incessant voyeurism of the mentally disturbed kowtowing to psychopathic pornography addicts who would rather see the world burn than do anything about their dedication to ignorance.'


Large chimney demolished without being made into cheap joke at the end of the news


A 600ft chimney at the former Longannet power station has been demolished and filmed collapsing, without being shown at the end of the news in reverse, as if it blew up and then magically re-assembled again.


There was once a long tradition of this visual joke at the end of the British news, where a chimney or tall building is demolished, and then immediately shown to re-form, as if it never had been blown up in the first place. In the days before the Internet, when Britain was largely powered by small dogs and the tears of the oppressed, people used to find it hugely funny watching buildings collapse and then re-form. Back then, of course, there was only 2 channels, BBC1, which showed programmes about tea cups, and BBC2, which just showed a man with a beard. Millions would tune in just to watch someone falling over in a pub, then doing it in reverse.


With the advent of Google, reverse demolishions fell out of favour. Now a whole new generation prefers to watch dogs on skateboards and that idiot who tries to knock down a chimney with a hammer only to have to fall a bit, then keep standing, so he has to start all over again.


Members of "Demolish It Backwards Now And Hurry!" (D.I.B.N.A.H) are demanding we bring back the tradition but no one listens to them so it doesn't matter.






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