"The NHS is set for its biggest-ever overhaul since the last biggest-ever overhaul, which followed close behind the biggest-ever overhaul before that, but this will be the motherload," drooled a gleeful management consultant who had been signed up by the Department of Health to advise on the ten-year programme of reforms.
"Regrettably, none of the previous overhauls which we management consultants advised on really paid dividends - inasmuch as they didn't buy us all of the ski-ing holidays it was physically possible for us to take, or all the fast cars we'd set our eyes on.
"But this time, we'll make Britain's National Health Service the envy of management consultants world over with the amounts we cream off it, and we'll do it with a next-generation scheme for hacking out the deadwood.
"For far too long, the NHS has haemorrhaged money on trying to heal sick people. This has been an unforgivably idealistic misuse of resources.
"We should be picking the 'low-hanging fruit'. Let's start by treating people who are doing fine. They can come in, get registered, examined and discharged in a fraction of the time it takes to heal someone with some ghastly disease, and they'll cost a fraction of the money.
"In no time, your local hospital will be back in rude financial health and paying consultancy bonuses you'd hardly believe, with none of the nurses or junior doctors whinging on about being so tired they want to kill themselves.
"And if you are one of those unfortunate types who tend to fall ill or have accidents, we say: why not go private? The premiums aren't as high as all that, and it's well worth the money.
"After all, there's nothing more important than your health, is there?"
