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Health Ministry plot to kill Keith Richards

A leaked document today confirmed the existence of a plot, hatched by senior figures at the Ministry of Health, to kill former Rolling Stones’ guitarist Keith Richards.

“We face an unprecedented health crisis in this country,” one junior minister is quoted as saying. “It’s vitally important people look honestly at their lifestyles and make the changes they need to.

”But how can we sell that idea to anyone when Keith Richards has been doing everything wrong his whole life, and is now 80 years old and in perfect health?”

The speaker went on to say there was no point using the government’s “usual methods” of getting rid of inconvenient people. “It’s no good if he gets hit by a bus or falls under a train - it’s got to look as if his reckless lifestyle has finally caught up with him.”

However, the next speaker suggested Richards is past the point where his death would do any good. “Who’s going to be dissuaded from living off nothing but cocaine, heroin, whiskey and cigarettes by the thought they might die at 80?

”Besides, have young people today really heard of Keith Richards? No, believe me, the way we disposed of Amy Winehouse will do much more good.”

Hearing of the plot, an incensed Richards picked up the phone to several contacts in the media. Unfortunately, none of them has any idea what he said.

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What's with the "former" Rolling Stones’ guitarist Keith Richards.? Has he transcended?

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