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Tories to shake up the NHS with the return of the 'wise woman'

Snivelling guttersnipe, Roland Rat-alike and current Prime Minister, Rishi Sunak, will delight the Tory faithful today, with a promise of re-introducing Wise Women to the NHS.

'Hospitals and GPs are very expensive,' Sunak will tell party faithful in a speech later today. 'The Conservative Party will shake up the NHS, by putting a shrivelled old crone in a hovel, in every village, in every part of the country.'

'Their knowledge of the flora and fauna of the countryside will be more than enough to treat almost all common ailments. This will lead to a reduction in waiting lists and far fewer people needing hospital treatment, but requiring more undertakers. Hospitals will be freed up to treat diseases of affluence, including gout, alcoholism and proper diabetes.'

Labour Leader, Sir Keir Starmer, has ridiculed the policy, saying that there aren't enough affordable hovels, or trained Wise Women, and that Britain will have to source them from overseas; places like the Isle of Wight, The Farne Islands and islands in boating lakes in Britain's larger parks.'

Image: Newsbiscuit

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