Updated: Apr 25, 2023
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A barely fictional Tory MP has been caught on film with several prostitutes and 40 tins of chopped tomatoes.
Before putting the ball gag back in his mouth, the MP fumed: ‘Cameron stuck his wang in a dead pig’s head. Boris stuck his – well to be honest I dread to think. There’s a shortage of cucumbers too, so you can imagine what he’s up to with those.
‘But I get one prostitute, OK three prostitutes, to smear my naked body in chopped tomatoes and all of a sudden, I’m a poverty pervert? It’s not like I’m into hardcore stuff like ketchupping. What’s ketchupping? If you know, you know… and I know.
‘Now shove that broccoli up my arse or get out.’
- apepper
- Jan 5, 2023
The government has conceded that it's target of 32 million people on strike by the end of 2022 has been missed.
'Brexit has played a part,' admitted a government spokesman from his picket line. 'The government's target of getting the entire country on strike was always ambitious, but if anyone could do it, I think we can agree, this government could. We came close, but Brexit red-tape made it difficult to recruit public workers from overseas and it turns out that the best placards are made in France and it takes ages to import anything nowadays.'
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