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Calling UK government 'liars' exactly like calling a mega-tsunami 'a bit lappy'


Calling the Prime Minister and his selection of senior ministers 'serial liars' is falling on deliberately deaf ears. ' It's just a bit of fibbing and should be expected from our most upstanding and decent and honourable members of parliament,' said Doreen from Bournemouth, who is herself so powerful that she is directly responsible for the last two UK Prime Ministers rising to power.

Doreen has been labelled the 'Putin of Britain,' for her ability to install and maintain puppet regimes with the very opposite agendas of serving the interests of the British people. She is herself, however, immune to such labels as she has purposely turned down her hearing aid. 'I'm not interested in what people say, I am only interested in talking the ears off anyone in listening range. What do you think this is? Some sort of democracy? Grow a backbone, you pathetic snowflakes.'

In response, a leading UK barrister specialising in political law noted, 'Doreen is right. The Prime Minister and his fawning Cabinet of nodding hogs should not be called liars. Their consistently disproven and always laughably self-evident faux rhetoric should be more correctly referred to as Fraudulent Misrepresentation.'


photo: https://pixabay.com/users/renatados-12212332/

Brian Dobbins denies having a party in his shed last Christmas


In a heated debate in the Dobbins' household, the leader of the ruling occupiers denied rumours that 'two or more' people had engaged in workshop-type activity in his garden shed on December 18 last year when Tier three rules were in force.


'I deny that there was any woodworking activity carried on in that shed by anyone other than myself on my own, and if there was any woodworking activity carried on inside that shed by two or more people at that time I was unaware of it,' he stated, while confirming he had the only key to the shed 'since Margaret accidently dropped the spare down the outside drain last year.'


When asked about the wonky gazebo that appeared in the garden just before Christmas with 'lengths of wood that would have been impossible to handle on his own', Dobbins denied there was anything irregular about the gazebo apart from the measurements which made it lean very much to the right whenever any of his household complained about him.


'It didn't get made, and if it did I didn't make it, and if it was made and I was there then it was made with everyone, including myself, socially distanced, which didn't happen as it wasn't made. I've been advised the Covid restrictions were followed strenuously at all times,' he insisted.


Margaret Dobbins, who has previously smoothed the less than tranquil waters of Dobbins' Towers, as the family home is known, broke down into tears when a WhatsApp video was circulated on the neighbourhood group showing her practising denying a gazebo had been made, with the gazebo clearly behind her, leaning so far to the right it was almost horizontal. Mrs Dobbins has now resigned from speaking for the family.


In a separate debate with neighbours the Dobbins' have distanced themselves from the selection of 'tacky gold effect' wallpaper hung in the lounge. 'It was in the remnants bin at B&Q, had been a million pounds a roll but was being sold of for 50 pence the lot,' explained Mr Dobbins. 'Sure it's tasteless, but it's what the missus likes,' he said, denying he'd taken money out of Dobbins' junior's pocket money to pay for it. 'It was just a loan, I didn't know where it came from,' he said today.






Number 10 Downing Street says, “Nothing to do with me."


Following a plethora of sleaze, corruption and party scandals levelled at Number 10, the building itself has spoke to distance itself from those who live and work within its walls.


'You have to separate Me, Number 10, a rather splendid 17th Century town house, from ‘Number 10’, the less than splendid, festering sores that are currently giving me such a bad name.' it explained.


'When fingers are pointed at ‘Number 10’, that’s not me. Unless they’re tourists, in which case they probably will be pointing fingers, cameras and phones at me. But when they mention on the news, "the noises coming from Number 10", they do mean some dickhead downstairs who has opened his gob, not my aching 350-year-old joints.'


Such is the dissatisfaction that Number 10 is feeling right now, it is considering moving out. Although Number 11 has said it can’t see that happening immediately as over the years they have become very attached.





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