South West Trains accidentally runs train on time

Commuters were left aghast after South West Trains accidentally ran a train on time.

Tara Taylor said 'What will I complain about to my colleagues now? More importantly, what's my excuse for being an hour late to the office? Thanks for nothing.'

A spokesman said 'We apologise for the correct running of that service. Normally we would arbitrarily cancel any train that looked like it might run on time. Maybe change its platform last minute so we can watch people scurry about like the worthless ants - the scum - that we believe them to be.'

'The best part is that private train companies rake more in government subsidies than it would cost to run a nationalised network. But as any Tory shareholder will tell you, the private sector does everything better. And that includes shitting all over the travelling public.'

Woman calls transport police over train leaving on time

Responding to a recorded message to make contact “if you see something that doesn’t look right”, a woman in Huddersfield today called British Transport Police to the city’s rail station after seeing a Transpennine Express train leave on time.

“Watching the 08:35 to Manchester Airport arriving 15 minutes after it was supposed to depart is one of the comforting little rituals of my daily commute” said Tanya Jones, 35. “So when I arrived this morning and saw the train pulling out on time, something jarred in me, and I got suspicious. Then the announcement came over the tannoy and I knew what I had to do.”

“We’d like to thank Ms Jones for her swift action” said a spokesperson for British Transport Police. “That train could have been hijacked or anything. We will bring you further information as soon as possible, although we are unable to say exactly when, as unfortunately the train our officers were travelling on in pursuit has broken down just outside Slaithwaite.”

Train Railroad Transport - Free photo on Pixabay

The Chief Exec now departing will be ...