The entire adult population of the UK is still in the running for both iconic roles, all with the necessary acting talent, all except for James Corden.
The fact that anyone could be considered, is a tribute to diversity casting but also a comment on how sh$t Idris Elba’s agent is. Asked about the millions listed, one Producer said: ‘That’s slightly shorter than an NHS waiting list’.
In the latest move in the technology battle to bring the full cinematic experience to the comfort of consumers’ sofas, TV manufacturer Samsung has upped the ante by launching a home cinema system that comes complete with a large head that remains strategically positioned in the centre of the viewer's eye-line throughout the movie experience.
The obtrusive head, which comes with a range of settings including ‘large hat’, ‘unfeasibly voluminous hair’, and ‘interminably snogging teenagers’ also features a motion-sensor that ensures it moves whenever the home viewer does, and actually increases in diameter when triggered by audio commands such as deep sighing, or a frustrated tut.
But the automated heads are just one of a range of features boasted by the new Samsung Multiplex, which was described in a ‘Which DVD?’ review as 'gloriously capturing the soulless, overpriced banality of today’s big-chain cinema.’ State-of-the art sub-woofers, strategically placed behind the sofa, release randomly-timed high-intensity sonic blasts to recreate the experience of being in the proximity a highly-strung back of the seat kicker, and high-specification tweeters provide crystal clear sweet unwrapping and breathy nose-whistling noises, while the mid-range audio channels artfully blend the film’s dialogue with several different conversations about the going rate for babysitters, mundane family gossip, and debates about what other films the supporting actors have appeared in. Samsung also highlighted the environmental credentials of the new product, with all protective packaging made up of stale popcorn and discarded pick 'n' mix that can be liberally distributed over the purchaser's carpet after unboxing.
While consumers have flocked to be the first to own the latest cutting edge audio-visual technology, rivals have been as quick to launch competing products. First to the market was the Amstrad FleaPit, which has been heavily criticised for featuring a slightly seedy torch-wielding pensioner in a bellhop outfit who guides you through a darkened living room to your own sofa while making suggestive remarks about jumbo hot dogs, but won rave reviews for the self-installed Wurlitzer organ that rises majestically through the living room floorboards whenever the system goes on standby.
A 54-year-old Black Friday bargain hunter was killed by a fellow shopper in Curry's electrical goods store in Oxford Street, central London yesterday after a confrontation over a 43-inch flat-screen TV set.
Vic Digence, from Mare Street in Hackney, was killed by a single sword thrust to the chest from a man who, according to witnesses, became incensed when he saw the victim making off with the heavily discounted item and heading to the checkout.
One female bystander, Tracy Carter, 32, from Stratford, East London, told us: "I heard voices being raised and turned to see this bloke stabbing another man with a sword.
'He was well furious and was calling this poor bloke all the names under the sun.
'I can only assume he had his eye on that telly and lost the plot when he saw this other bloke walking off with it.
'He then pulled his sword out of the fella's chest, picked up the telly and walked over to the checkout to pay, as calm as you like.
'I said to my friend that it was a bit over the top. I mean, we all like a bargain and I've had the odd up-and-a-downer myself over a cheap item but surely a punch in the face would have been more than enough'
The police have named the assailant as Toby Dell, 42, from Brushfield Street, Whitechapel, who was recently released from a secure unit where he had served 25-years for nailing a woman to a display unit following a dispute over some cut-price pillowcases at the Selfridges January sale in 1996.
