.
top of page
Search
As the conflict in Ukraine continues to rage buzzkills across the land are still tagging their every banal utterance with #SlavaUkraini in a prolonged battle of social media oneupmanship. Despite said tagging having as much effect on the outcome of the war as the concept of morality has on a Cabinet minister’s behaviour.
‘I just want people to know that I care,’ local keyboard warrior Brooke White said. ‘And that I literally care more than literally anyone else.’ Stopping only to tweet “Am I the only person who remembers when Freddos cost 10p? #SlavaUkraini” she went on to say. ‘I like to search for the word ‘Kiev’ so I can accuse the people who’ve used it instead of ‘Kyiv’ of racism. And at Christmas I tweeted a picture of my dinner on a blue and yellow plate and added #makesyouthink #SlavaUkraini. There’s a war on. Constantly aiming for the moral high ground with two words in a language I can’t speak used in a country I can’t find on a map is my way of fighting. Is it harder than actual fighting in the actual war? That’s not for me to say but yes, it absolutely is.’
When asked why if she was so passionate about Ukraine she didn’t donate to the Red Cross or sign up to host a refugee Brooke quickly ended the conversation in disgust saying that there was such a thing as going too far.
Updated: May 18, 2023
The globally admired and highly respected Ukrainian Premier Volodymyr Zelenskyy met with someone not even respected by his own hand-picked fawners.
'It is so sad what is happening to your country at the moment,' said Zelenskyy.
Still having a glorious giggle at pretending to be the UK Prime Minister, Rishi Sunak proudly showed some special grass to Zelenskyy which wasn't brown from all of the shit flowing through England.
'We will do whatever we can to help. We've already supplied a Eurovision Song Contest to the UK, but you somehow managed to fuck that up as well,' continued the straight-talking Ukrainian leader, doing more to level up the North in one moment than five consecutive Conservative governments.
'After we have defeated Vladimir Putin and ended all of your excuses for why your economy is worse than Russia in wartime, we will show you how to quickly achieve sustained growth and economic stability for Brits with a simple revolutionary plan of joining the EU.'
image from pixabay
bottom of page