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Trump University to reopen with new courses and promises not to be a massive scam



After being shut down for being a massive scam, Trump University is to reopen with a brand-new set of courses for the easily manipulated.


Media Control and Propaganda Studies

The fact that you enrolled in this course shows how successful this can be

Financial Mismanagement and Money Laundering

How to prevent people following the money

Crypto investing and swindling

You will learn all sorts of new investment techniques such as “rug pulls” and “Pump and dump” which are just as hideous as they sound.

Construction Engineering of Internment camps

Lessons cover tower construction, field of fire management and anti-tunnel techniques along with how best to include a children’s play area.

Revisionist History with alternative studies

Did Hitler really do anything wrong?


Extracurricular activities could involve joining the same-coloured shirt society, this year’s colour is brown.


Image: WixAI

Universities plan to splurge after student fees increases



English Universities are planning a massive spending spree after the government agreed to increase student fees.


As student fees haven’t risen for ages and ages, there is a massive backlog of projects awaiting funding.


A spokesman for Leeds Other Other University said that it was important to distinguish themselves from Leeds University, Leeds Metropolitan University and Leeds Beckett University.  As such, they would be spending the extra money on a pay rise for the vice-chancellor, a vanity project to build the VC a new palace, on a new logo and rebranding, and some unnecessary consultancy projects.


As there will be no money left to pay for increases in minimum wage and to cover the extra national insurance, the University has already submitted its request for student fees to be linked to the cost of broadband, which increases exponentially every year for no obvious reason.




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