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Wordle to replace CBeebies, CBBC



Secretary of State for Eating Ostrich Anus, Nadine Dorries, is fully defunding the pinko, commie, Britain-hating BBC, to ingratiate herself with the Daily Mail and Rupert Murdoch. Co-conspirator in hate Julia Hartley-Brewer added the BBC shouldn't produce content that she herself doesn’t directly consume – she finds CBeebies too advanced. Dorries is therefore replacing all CBeebies and CBBC programmes with Wordle, the free, once-a-day, 5-letter game. Once the game is completed the channels will play the national anthem on a loop. In solidarity, Dorries’ next novel will contain no words longer than 5 letters.


Parent Karolina Krychowiak noted ‘If you come for CBeebies, we will kill you and make it look like an accident. Mr Tumble is always watching. Words that describe the Tories mostly have 4 letters, but I suppose the plurals have 5.’



First published 20 Jan 2022


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Man sh*ts himself whenever anyone mentions Wordle




A man who got into the daily habit of playing Wordle on his phone while sitting on the toilet, believes his brain has become conditioned to associate the word game with defecating - because now whenever someone says ‘Wordle’, he sh*ts himself.


Nathan Brown, a Waste Management Consultant from Bognor said, “It’s really embarrassing! I’ve only got to hear someone mention… that game, and I completely lose control of my bowels. I’ve had to start taking a spare pair of pants and trousers everywhere with me, just in case someone says… the name of that game. I did stop playing it on the toilet for a while to see if I could recondition my brain to stop it associating the game with having a dump, but unfortunately it now seems that if I don’t play it on the loo, I become constipated. In the end I had to start playing it on the toilet again, because I became very uncomfortable after being unable to have a crap for over a week. Ironically when I did start playing again, the answer that day was ‘tough’, which also described the sh*t I had after having held it in for so long.”


When asked if he knew what today’s Wordle answer is, Nathan replied, “Yes, it’s ‘messy’. Now please excuse me, I need to go and change my underpants again…”



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