A study into why voters in Britain are so custard thick and always choosing the crap that will do them the most harm has concluded "why f*cking bother?"
Professor Susie Vorderman from the Institute of Melded Clever Celebrities explained, '56% of people you wouldn't spit on if they were on fire want former prime minister Boris Johnson back in charge and wrecking everything like a poorly supervised sugar-crazed toddler at a delicate antique crystalware display.'
Professor Carol Dent added, 'But that very same subset of people also can't say Boris Johnson's nickname correctly, even though it is only four letters long. They are all still saying BoJo like it is Bow-Jo, when actually it should be pronounced Bodge-O like a pally Australian mate would say it. You wouldn't say Bowris Johnson, would you?
'No, not bow like you might bow to royalty, you dunce, bow like what you would use to fire an arrow at BoJo, if you were royalty.'