Big Pharma's Next Big Killing



A spokesperson for BGP, Big Greedy Pharma, announced today the company's next megaproject, yet another way to amass even greater mountains of money. The latest target has been revealed as a vaccine against humanity and altruism.


Mr S. Forbrains was visibly excited as he said "It's easy for big pharmaceutical companies to get complacent with profits piling up faster than Covid corpses. Already we have created a world where it's considered normal for a CEO to sack thousands of workers by SMS to save a few quid while simultaneously giving himself a 300% rise on his already huge salary. But there are still people out there who believe in things like equity, justice, humanity and even altruism. So we've been targeting the genes which generate these weaknesses and are very optimistic about current trials. The Tory Holy Grail of 'hearts of stone' may be just round the bend. This could make King Herod and Priti Patel look like bleeding-heart, snowflake liberals."


Sounding a contrary note, a spokesperson for the Conservative Party warned, "They may have grossly overestimated the market. All our members and most of our voters already have natural immunity. And because we are Conservatives, we really don't care about the rest."



122 views0 comments