The people of the UK are all much more content since their sovereign right to be racist was restored.
'Nigel is the real hero in all of this,' said a class A bigot from Stoke. 'Without all of his selfless efforts to bring back our good old fashioned racism, I shudder to think where we would be. Because he told us all we can be as racist as we like again, especially in public, the Tories have had to really ramp up their racism just to stay in touch.
'Sure, the economy is fucked, we're poor as piss, nothing works and the nation is an international laughing stock, but it's more important to be able to say what you like about people who look different to you. This is what true freedom is. Well, it is for us at least.
'It was a terrible time there for a while, you know, before we took back control. We were marginalised and not allowed to be overtly racist to anyone foreign-looking. But we've really found ourselves again and we're much more comfortable in our own white skin.
'And the best thing is that my kids get special government-imposed lessons in school where they are taught how to be proper racist. I'm just so proud of 'em. They've got a future now. A future where wife beating will be completely normal again, too.
'Look, I know there are still some woke idiots out there who are too weak minded to get on the racism bus with the rest of us, but hey, that just gives us more people to shout abuse at. These culture wars are brilliant. You can't beat a hatefully divided nation at this level. I'm not even sure Great Britain was ever as racist as this before.'
One Downing Street spokes-bigot confirmed, 'This isn't casual racism. It takes a lot of planning to be this racist.'
A response from a non-racist has been rejected because that would be bleedin' heart lefty bias.