Canada to become associate member of Eurovision

Negotiations that would allow Canada to join Australia in a European singing competition have slowed, with concerns growing that Canada might alternate between Celine Dion and Justin Bieber on a never ending loop.

One European negotiator spoke on the condition of anonymity 'Near... far... wherever you are. Oh God, it's happening already. I think if the US ever invades Canada, they could just play that song on a loop until the American troops begin weeping and voluntarily leave.'

'If you combined that with some weaponised glitter canons, the Canadians could use 'My Heart will go on' as an offensive weapon, clearing a path to the White House before Mark Carney pushes Donald Trump off a door into the icy waters of the North Atlantic.'

photo: Newsbiscuit Archive

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