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Culture war threatened by game of football, complain Tories

There has been outcry among Conservatives after everyone enjoyed a cracking game of footy instead of getting their knickers in a twist about something completely anodine being "woke".

GB News [sic] pundit and Tory Minister Jock Shockington, complained that an exciting second half where James Maddison scored a 35 yard screamer with seconds to spare in extra time was distracting people from wingeing about the wrong colour Waffen-SS insignia being "PC gone maaaaad".

It's awful to see sport bringing people of all cultures and creeds together instead of providing fertile ground for exploiting patriotism for divisive ends, said Conservative and soon-to-be Reform MP Dean Leerson.

Asked if this was really about football or just a cynical manufactured conflict of ideology, Prime Minister Rishi Sunk said "what's football?".

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