‘The British Conservative Party writes such memorable villains’, a Disney spokesman said. ‘They’re a throwback to Hans Christian Anderson and the Brothers Grimm. Robert Jenrick painting over cartoon characters – brilliant. Suella Braverman dreaming of sending people to Rwanda – inspired. We really like Priti Patel’s smirk – such an ice maiden – fanciable but evil. Brings the dads to the movie theatre’.
Many Conservatives have been quick to deny that they are cartoon villains, though Nadine Dorries has been seen flirting in her clumsy manner and asking Disney execs if they might have a role for a “tipsy blonde”.
‘We’re following the barge story with interest’, the spokesman said. ‘We’d like to see Jacob Rees-Mogg in his top hat doing something nasty. He has a lovely Dick Dastardly vibe. Say what you will about the Conservative Party there’s no denying their commitment to their art. We’ve never seen actors stay in character for so long. It’s almost as if they don’t need to act . . .’