'He's a mean, renegade cop who bends the rules to get the job done... coming soon to a Cooking Channel near you because the world is already overflowing with so many, yet another movie with exactly the same one-dimensional character and cliché-packed plot as in every other cop movie. We know what you want, and we're serving up exactly the same recipe again...'
You've seen the film trailers, maybe twenty today alone. You've watched more of these movies than any other specific genre. But you know better than to replicate the onscreen violence in your everyday life. Bored bobbies with a penchant for brutality, however, sometimes lack the same restraint as adults.
'It's just too appealing,' said Brendan "Cuffmonkey" Banstead. 'This stuff is on screen 24/7, so you can't avoid it. Even when you're s'posed to be paying attention to what some whining victim is banging on about, it's just so distracting. I don't want to listen to that rubbish. Yaaaawn. I want to get out there and crack the skulls of innocent environmentalists, or scream right in the face of one of those women sorts in the department.'
Chief Inspector of Bent Fuzz, Andy Envelope said, 'Some of these policemen put the "Cop" in "Copycat Violence". They watch Dirty Harry, and they think it's a training video. We have to do something about it quicker than you can stuff a truncheon up a perp's bunghole.'
As a result of this systemic behaviour, cop movies will now carry certificate ratings to protect vulnerable police officers. "U" stands for Unwatchable; "PG" stands for Pervert Guidance; and "18" refers to the minimum number of complaints against an officer before they can watch it.