Updated: 4 days ago
With shortages everywhere, and the government fooling no one in its attempt to deny this has anything to do with Brexit, comes news of the latest dearth. There aren't enough doormen to go round.
The British Association of Dives (BAD), has requested special measures be implemented to allow Skinheads from Eastern Europe to be given work visas, permitting them to come to Britain and knock some heads together in the busy run up to Christmas.
However, it's understood as many as 4,000 people are needed to train as new "Bouncers" to help tackle the skill shortage effectively. Therefore, other avenues are also being pursed to protect the industry in the long-term.
A government spokesman commented. 'We aren't unsympathetic to this, and to those ends to take up some of the slack, we're sending out one hundred thousand letters to ex- convicts who've done a bit of time for GBH.'