The largest fatberg found yet has been discovered in central London. Residents had been complaining of a putrid stink for several years, but not enough people could work out what it was.
'A lot of sh!t has been piling up,' said Doreen Jam from Marylebone. 'It's like all of the excrement of the world has been overflowing into the streets, and it has spread as far as the nose can smell.
Nothing has been getting through, and there is this general feeling that the entire place is going down the sewer. It's like there is an enormous blockage somewhere, stopping anything useful or helpful from happening. The general feeling is that the future looks bleak and it is probably Europe's fault.
'But then some people who knew what they were doing went to investigate and it turned out it was the Prime Minister. It is disheartening to learn that so many thoughtless people have contributed to this immense problematic lump. It is refusing to budge and we could be stuck with it for a very long time. Turns out you can't just flush it away, and in the meantime it's going to continue to ruin everyone's life.
'This disgusting mass of congealed, useless fat has been causing a blockage for years. But I still have an urge to vote for it.'
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