Free school meals for kids who volunteer for the army

Labour have unveiled their policy to tackle dwindling military recruitment, by treating the working-class like grouse. Called 'Feed the cannon fodder', the new initiative will put plump targets on the front line, which can be lured for the kill on the Glorious 12th - or any day of the year, really.

Said a Minister: 'There's no point in feeding up the little blighters, if all they are going to do is sit on the dole. They need to earn their keep, by providing bored artillery units something to aim at.'

Kids as young as 5 will be fast-tracked to the eastern front, to provide much needed relief for the current sitting ducks. For every ten free meals a school child will need to complete one tour of duty. 'There'll be no medals for the survivors but there will be pudding.'

image from pixabay

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