Updated: Apr 24
Yet another leak from Number 10 has confirmed that the government has finally run out of innovative cruelty. To fill the gap demanded by British-based supporters of racism, the government will now purloin policy from whatever they notice written on the Gunners away kit.
'Visit Rwanda, seemed like a jolly good idea, so we posted Priti Patel there,' confirmed a spokeswoman unable to contain a smirk. 'Unfortunately, she was in possession of the nation's chequebook for a reason no one can explain and forked out for a ridiculously expensive flogging of children and an immigrant concentration camp.'
Critics of this latest round of government insanity have pointed out the obvious error. The Rwandan leadership paid Arsenal £30 million, and since the UK have now bunged Rwanda a £120 million sweetener, it is clear that Downing Street are now funding the North London team, who Keir Starmer supports.
Arsenal Football Club have denied that next week their shirts will feature an advert which reads 'Post your fixed penalty notices to Mozambique.'