In the final days of the current parliament, the government is taking rapid action against low value ‘rip-off’ undergraduate degrees.
A spokesman said, ‘There are too many low quality courses, and we wanted to act fast. We could have chosen courses in media studies, golf course management (essentially watching grass grow and playing in sandpits), retailing (shelf stacking), observation of the drying of paint, or that course about Taylor Swift.
‘However, the most egregious and useless courses are clearly those in politics. Just look at the quality of the students with politics degrees. It’s awful. They don’t understand the difference between good and bad policy, they just parrot stuff they've read on ultra-right or ultra-left social media apps. They are very poorly prepared for the world of work – the evidence is all around us.
‘The courses themselves are also very weak. The politics curricula (note correct use of the plural there, you riff-raff) contain little or nothing on morals or ethics, good practice, or good governance. It’s often all comparative crap – comparing politics between Russia, Rwanda and Rutland, for example. And the Oxford PPE course (that’s Politics, Philosophy and Economics, you plebs), is only one third politics in the first place - that's not good value. Look behind Oxford University's ivory tower facade and you'll find it's just plywood.
‘So we will close down and refuse to fund politics degrees, even though the courses offer valuable lecturing jobs for failed politicians like Boris Johnson and Liz Truss.
‘Our new plan is for Politics apprenticeships. These vocational courses will be more hands on and practical. Work placements in national and local political parties will give the students front line political experience, dealing with issues about potholes, noisy neighbours, and dog poo.
‘How can we expect politicians to bring peace to the Middle East if they can't even resolve a dispute between neighbours about overhanging branches?’