The Type 45 guided missile destroyer HMS Defender was recently involved in some slightly spicy shenanigans in the Black Sea, near to Russia or Ukraine, depending on who you ask.
A Royal Navy spokesman said ‘Keep politics out of football? Cry me a river.’
He did concede that HMS Defender was being played out of position.
‘It’s so easy to get total war mixed up with total football. We want to play with greater fluidity as we are, by definition, in the sea. So HMS Defender was playing closer to HMS Midfield Pivot to help us move things forward.’
‘We’ve got two HMS Willing Runners moving out wide and HMS False Nine drifting all over the place up front… actually, is it supposed to be doing that?’