top of page

Hollywood greenlights new film - The Conte of Ouste Nuno

Updated: Dec 25, 2021

A Hollywood studio has given the go ahead to a new film of the timeless classic, The Conte of Ouste Nuno.

The story, thought to have been written by a well-known dumbass, sees the hapless Conte lured into a trap by the treacherous Levy de Manque d'Argent (literally - the north Londoner who lacks silver). Finding himself imprisoned miles away from civilisation in the Chateau Dire, Conte meets another prisoner, the Abbé Harrykané, who says he's been trying to escape for years. Harrykané claims to be so old he can remember Spurs winning something, and also tells Conte of a fortune in silverware, said to be housed in the Chateau's trophy room.

Using the spittle emitted whenever Harrykané speaks, the two of them wet the cement around their prison bars until they're loose enough to remove. When they're about to escape, Harrykané says he can't go with him as he's dying, though Conte suspects he's just feigning injury as usual. Conte breaks out and finds the trophy room, only to discover it contains nothing but dust and a small cup for jointly winning the FA Community Shield in 1991.

Embittered by this dashing of his hopes, Conte falls into a remorseless cycle of despair, anguish and self-pity i.e. he takes the Man United job.

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page