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Hospital beds will be self assembly, says government

The £1 billion package to provide beds and ambulances will see a recently refloated MFI supply thousands of self assembly hospital beds to homes to support the associated 'hospital from home' initiative. 'This squares the circle', said a minister today who refused to admit of deny that he had been instrumental in re-floating MFI. 'We know we haven't any spare staff in the hospitals, but at your own house? Of course you have. We'll provide plenty of videos, on Betamax, for anyone wanting to know how to set a line up, perform an appendectomy or carry out CPR,' he added. 'We don't expect the government to provide toasters, though.'

The extra ambulances are actually just Ubers, he confirmed. 'By shipping patients by Uber back to their homes we can take some pressure off the ambulances currently parked up outside hospitals - they can discharge their patients to go back home as soon as the MFI delivery occurs, or sooner,' he said.

image from pixabay

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