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If you go down in the woods today...

Dacorum Decorum 

(to the tune of "Teddy Bears' Picnic")

If you go down in the woods today

You’re sure of a big surprise.

If you go down in the woods today

You’d better not touch your flies,

For council men, wherever they’re hid

Might charge you up to eighty-eight quid

Cos that’s the way the

Bureaucrats get your piss nicked.

Piss-take time for bureaucrats

The soddin’ bureaucrats are

Having a lovely time today

They might catch you unaware,

Bend your ear and spoil your holiday.

See them get their papers out

They’re not in any doubt

You’re littering with intent.

In six months’ time, they’ll hear your appeal,

Till then they’ve got your dosh

It’s a pain in the fundament!

If you go down in the woods today

You might have to take a loan

It’s handy down in the woods today

But cheaper to go at home

And you’re peed off, but they will accrue

A golden stream of new revenue - 

That’s the way the bureaucrats

Get your piss nicked.

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