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Inebriated Boris sang ‘My Way’ at his leaving p*ss-up

According to reports from Downing Street, a leaving party held for outgoing Prime Minister Boris Johnson became a monumental p*ss-up, where alcohol flowed by the suitcaseful. An inebriated Boris was seen climbing onto a table, wearing a wastepaper bin on his head at a rakish angle, and holding a champagne bottle like a microphone he sang his own version of the Sinatra classic, ‘My Way’:

“And now, the end is near

And so I face the final curtain.

I’ve been a great PM,

The very best, of that I’m certain.

What fun! I’ve had a ball,

Not even lockdown could spoil my day,

I partied through it all,

Cos that is my way.

“Affairs, I’ve had a few,

And more kids than I can mention.

I told a lot of lies,

I was the master of invention.

I helped out all my mates,

I sent massive contracts their way.

And donations of cash

Came rolling my way.

“I know I hid inside a fridge,

But Cameron – he f*cked a pig!

Theresa May was kinda sad,

But now, she doesn’t seem so bad.

Though I made gaffes,

I had some laughs,

Cos that is my way.

“I steered the Brexit bus, painted with lies,

My hand was steady.

Yes, I got Brexit done,

The EU deal was oven ready.

And now the UK’s screwed -

Every which way, and sideways.

What else could you expect

When I did it my way?

“When Covid came along,

I wouldn’t heed the scientists’ warning,

I killed everyone’s Nan,

So many families in mourning.

I said, “Pile the bodies high”,

Like a c*nt, and not in a wry way.

Those plebs, I’d kill ‘em all

If I had my way.

“Each time a crisis came my way,

I buggered off on holiday.

Children are hungry, and they’re cold,

Well, f*ck ‘em all - and f*ck the old!

Let them eat cake,

Them’s the breaks.

No one stands in my way.

“I’ll thrive - my bank balance is big,

And I’ve got shares in Peppa Pig.

So, now I’ll leave without a fuss.

Good luck with Liz ‘One Brain Cell’ Truss!

Once, Britain boomed,

But now it’s doomed


After he’d finished singing, it is reported that Mr Johnson tried to take a bow, overbalanced, and fell off the table. He then shambled off into the garden, where he was sick in a thicket.

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