According to reports from Downing Street, a leaving party held for outgoing Prime Minister Boris Johnson became a monumental p*ss-up, where alcohol flowed by the suitcaseful. An inebriated Boris was seen climbing onto a table, wearing a wastepaper bin on his head at a rakish angle, and holding a champagne bottle like a microphone he sang his own version of the Sinatra classic, ‘My Way’:
“And now, the end is near
And so I face the final curtain.
I’ve been a great PM,
The very best, of that I’m certain.
What fun! I’ve had a ball,
Not even lockdown could spoil my day,
I partied through it all,
Cos that is my way.
“Affairs, I’ve had a few,
And more kids than I can mention.
I told a lot of lies,
I was the master of invention.
I helped out all my mates,
I sent massive contracts their way.
And donations of cash
Came rolling my way.
“I know I hid inside a fridge,
But Cameron – he f*cked a pig!
Theresa May was kinda sad,
But now, she doesn’t seem so bad.
Though I made gaffes,
I had some laughs,
Cos that is my way.
“I steered the Brexit bus, painted with lies,
My hand was steady.
Yes, I got Brexit done,
The EU deal was oven ready.
And now the UK’s screwed -
Every which way, and sideways.
What else could you expect
When I did it my way?
“When Covid came along,
I wouldn’t heed the scientists’ warning,
I killed everyone’s Nan,
So many families in mourning.
I said, “Pile the bodies high”,
Like a c*nt, and not in a wry way.
Those plebs, I’d kill ‘em all
If I had my way.
“Each time a crisis came my way,
I buggered off on holiday.
Children are hungry, and they’re cold,
Well, f*ck ‘em all - and f*ck the old!
Let them eat cake,
Them’s the breaks.
No one stands in my way.
“I’ll thrive - my bank balance is big,
And I’ve got shares in Peppa Pig.
So, now I’ll leave without a fuss.
Good luck with Liz ‘One Brain Cell’ Truss!
Once, Britain boomed,
But now it’s doomed
Cos I did it MYYYY WAAAAAYY!"
After he’d finished singing, it is reported that Mr Johnson tried to take a bow, overbalanced, and fell off the table. He then shambled off into the garden, where he was sick in a thicket.