Labour party strategists have devised a new way to engage with Britain’s recalcitrant voters. Recognising that career MPs are widely seen as untrustworthy, sleazy, self-serving and stupid, they are planning to put forward new general election candidates from the worlds of sport and celebrity.
An insider said that the public aspire to the lifestyles of sports stars and celebrities, are more likely to copy what they do, and will usually trust them without question. If a politician tells you to vote for them, many voters will cussedly vote for their opponents instead. If a celebrity tells you to vote for them, then most people will happily send text after text at 50p a go.
Celebrities are seen as more authentic, less duplicitous and generally, a lot more fun. Marcus Rashford has already achieved more on school meals than any MP ever did, for example. A key advantage is that celebs are less likely to go on about boring things like national debt, prison overcrowding, housing shortages, melting ice and depressing things like that. They are much more likely to go for ‘fun’ policies like free nail varnish for all, for example, and back it up with a hilarious Youtube video or Tiktok post.
Labour hopes that the power of celebrity will overcome voter apathy. It believes the approach will save a fortune on political advertising, as celebrities are much better at getting free publicity from the papers and find it much easier to get on TV. Insiders are discussing ‘all celebrity’ shortlists in some marginal seats.
Labour’s political ‘old-stagers’ are concerned about a new focus on celebrity politics, but admit that ‘they probably couldn’t do any worse than the politicians we’ve currently got’.
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