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Labour to subcontract governance

In its first days of office, Labour have promised to solve the housing and health crisis, by getting someone else to do it. Pleading for the private sector to step in, Sir Keir Starmer explained he would be taking the next four years off as TOIL- 'just like the last government'.

Asked why then he had run a campaign with the slogan 'change', he explained that loose change was all he was willing to spend. His spokeswoman said: 'Private finance can be trusted to benevolently invest and then lovingly assest strip the NHS. And all responsibility will be delegated, to ensure plausible deniability.

'We'll be out-sourcing everything, except being insufferably smug, we've got a monopoly on that.'


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