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Labour will allow every house to have a name, rather than a number

“Aspirational politics is the way to win elections” a top Labour advisor told Newsbiscuit, as he outlined the nature the next election campaign will take.

“Everyone wants to get on; and they want their children to get on too. That why in so many walks of life, there is a ladder to climb. In education, it’s about getting the next qualification. In the army, there’s another stripe to win. With the lottery, few people want to guess just two correct numbers, when there’s six winning numbers to be had.

We believe that being able to name your home shouldn’t just be the preserve of the well to do, whilst the working class have to make do with a house number. Everyone should be able to give their home a name. It’s what people have been telling us on their doorsteps; and we believe it’s time we delivered on that.”

Newsbiscuit knocked on a few doors to get feedback from the public over whether the idea would win their vote and received mixed responses ranging from “You got me out of the bath to ask that?” and “I’ve just got the baby off to sleep and now you’ve set the sodding dog off barking, so eff off and leave us be.”

Political pundits however paint a more upbeat picture of the initiative and say that the plan will encourage creativity and erudition as neighbour look to outdo each other with Latin phrases and literary references.

We asked a homeless man sleeping in a shop doorway what he would name his home if he was ever lucky enough to have one and after some thought he said “Dunroamin sounds nice.”

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