Letter to the editor (not containing a bomb)
I feel compelled to complain in the strongest possible terms that your publication is grossly unfair to minority parliamentary parties in not providing equal opportunity of ridicule. As a member of the Liberal Democrats, I read your journal on a daily basis hoping to see the Lib Dems get a mention, but you appear to have failed to notice we exist.
Unless this matter is redressed over the coming week with a full scale piss take of Ed Davey or another senior Liberal Democrat, I shall cancel my subscription.
Daniel Craig (Mrs)
Dearest darling madam,
Firstly, congratulations on correctly calling me Sir. Secondly, your strongest possible terms are somewhat tame compared to the 14 death threats I received this hour, 13 of which also demanded that my sexual organs be immediately infested with Raabs. Thirdly, a crack team of 72 finest NewsBiscuit investigative journalists have looked into these Diliberate Lemoncrats you speak of, but no trace of their existence has been uncovered. Fifthly, what happened to fourthly? Sixthly, Do you mean the Ed Davey who works the Cumbrian shaft? Seventhly, the subscription cancellation service has experienced a rapid unscheduled disassembly, which, coincidentally, was the name of our pub quiz team last night. And eighthly, I'm not the editor. In fact, I now stand with you against this disgraceful oversight and call for a full scale inquiry involving harshly worded laminated posters and an air frier called Sid.
Verity Pumpface (Mr)