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Liz Truss to become everybody’s ‘crazy aunt’

Citizens are to be offered a ‘crazy aunt’ as part of new levelling up plans by HMG.

“We’re fed up looking at poor people”, a spokesman said. “They smell and they live in horrible little dwellings. Flats, I think they’re called. When we analysed wealthy families they all have at least one certifiable older female relative – a ‘mad aunty’ if you will. We’re not certain, but it’s possible that this might be what’s been holding poorer families back. I phoned my Aunt Margery and she said it was worth a spin, so here we go!”

Under the scheme, families without a suitably crazed relative will be able to borrow Liz Truss in 30 minute blocks. “Half an hour doesn’t sound long”, the spokesman said “but Liz can make it seem like an age. She can give batty advice on anything – relationships, Marxist bankers, chemtrails – all delivered with the crazed conviction of the benevolently unhinged”.

If the scheme proves successful the next step will be the creation of a national ‘creepy uncle’ who touches up younger family members and absconds mysteriously, pursued by police. The Conservative Party doesn’t anticipate any shortage of unemployed ex-MPs to fill the role.

Image: Lockjaw

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