Updated: 5 days ago
Drug-addled Californian, Jeff Kalimski, is still devastated after learning his 2$ dollar 50-year-old "Deadhead" t-shirt disintegrated in the wash last week.
Speaking on Good Morning America, his wife Roberta said: 'I'm not surprised it fell to pieces. To be honest, it was little more than a collection of holes held together with strands of material. I had been telling him to get a new one for forty-five years, but he just kept refusing.
'He took the news badly, and when I told him I threw what little of it remained after the spin cycle finished into the dumpster, he, like, totally flipped out, took to his room and wouldn't come out for a whole day. Between the uncontrollable wailing sobs and the Dead's Truckin blaring out, it was just so awful.'
Almost a week after the trauma and still coming to a painful and reluctant acceptance that the shirt is no more, a red-eyed Jeff said: 'Like, wow man. Hey, far out. That shirt, man was like a... like an amazing toke on the best doobie ever. I guess I'm too cut up to talk about it. Noooo! Look out; there's a pink giraffe coming to eat us all. Run for your lives.'