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Man inexplicably carrying round absolutely massive water bottle

A man has been unable to offer any credible explanation as to why he is carrying round a completely full gallon-sized water bottle with him at all times.

Mike McBride lugs around the ridiculously-sized, garishly coloured plastic receptacle, which weighs an absolute tonne, and from which he earnestly takes a very small glug once every 15 minutes or so, and doesn't let it from his side from the moment he wakes up till when he goes to sleep.

'Gotta keep yourself hydrated, bro, haven't you', said McBride, 25, in a slight passive-aggressive tone, to a fellow bus passenger who may or may not have been looking at it his container in a funny way, on his daily commute from home to an office in the centre of Barnsley.

'Yes, the UK benefits from a fairly temperate climate, and I'm unlikely to get parched in the short 20 minute journey into work', said McBride, defensively, pointlessly mimicking some bicep curls with his bottle.

'What's that, does my workplace have some taps?', continued McBride. 'Er...yes, I guess it does, but I haven't really thought about it to be honest, as I have a plentiful supply in my personal water butt right here on my desk.'.

'I'll make some inroads into this big boy during my 10 minute token trip to the staff gym at lunchtime, that's for sure', said McBride.

McBride is expected to have emptied his bottle sometime in 2026, unless he uses some of it to irrigate crops in a medium sized African country.

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